is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
