but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
