i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
