I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
