After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
