i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
