i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize