video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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