So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
