Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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