omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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