no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
