so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
