Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
