As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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