Someone shit on the floor
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
