I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
