You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
