so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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