its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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