Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
