i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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