y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
