They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
