i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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