HIV tests are more positive than that guy
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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