I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
