i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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