I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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