i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
