I cannot find my penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
