I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
