I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
