I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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