Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
