I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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