I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm both gender and math confused
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
