I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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