Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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