I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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