i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
