All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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