i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
