Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
