I heard we made out
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
