I can text with my tongue
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
