my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
