How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
