Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
