My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
