Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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