My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
