We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
