mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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