just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
