in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Less talking, more tequila
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
